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![\"Screen-Shot-2015-04-23-at-1.40.41-PM\"](\"https:\/\/www.thesocialcmo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/Screen-Shot-2015-04-23-at-1.40.41-PM2-300x179.png\")
Have we lost the art of conversation? Has the digital age with its shortened attention spans and 140 character limits shriveled what was once our primary form of engagement? I think that in some ways it has, but only because we allow it.\u00a0\u00a0Part of that is due to the limitations of digital conversation, but part of it is also the fact that we\u2019ve become lazy conversationalists over the past hundred years or so. <\/span><\/p>\nThe Victorians had it Buttoned Down<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Back in the Victorian era, in-person conversation was the only way to engage with other people, and the art of being a good conversationalist was highly valued. Etiquette and manners were studied carefully. How a person dressed and moved, the modulation of their voice and the topics they chose to discuss were extremely important because of what they revealed about the person.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n These things still reveal a lot about people. That\u2019s why when we\u2019re talking to someone we\u2019ve just met, we tend to take a visual inventory, even if it\u2019s on a subconscious level. It helps us learn something about them. How are they dressed? Do they have an accent? Are they loud and crude, or soft-spoken and pleasant?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Social Clues<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes social clues are left on purpose, to draw other people who share the same interest, such as wearing a sports team jersey, or sporting a particular badge at an event. Others are a little harder to pick up (unless you\u2019re observant).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Clues are often dropped in the form of conversation\u2014which is why it\u2019s important to listen first. Do they talk about their husband, wife or children? Do they like to ski or golf? How do they feel about recent world events? Are they discussing a particular book or publication? Did they move recently? If so, from where? Just as in the Victorian days, when you identify a common interest with someone based on those clues, you open up fertile ground for conversation. More importantly, you demonstrate to the other person that you are fully engaged, giving them the attention that they deserve.<\/span><\/p>\n Bring Back the Rules of Etiquette<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Unfortunately, we\u2019re often too lazy to pick up on visual or conversation cues today. We don\u2019t listen for very long before we jump into conversation. We\u2019re so busy thinking of what we\u2019re going to say next, that we don\u2019t really \u201chear\u201d what they\u2019re trying to say to us.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>And that\u2019s just in real-time, person-to-person conversations. How can we bring the art of in-person conversation into digital conversation?<\/span><\/p>\n First, we can start by observing some of the forgotten, but important, Victorian rules of etiquette (taken from\u00a0www.avictorian.com<\/span><\/a>):<\/span><\/p>\n While these rules were written in the 1800s, they still apply today! Not only will practicing these rules help our in-person conversations, we can also use digital tools to \u201cpick up\u201d social clues to improve our online conversations:<\/span><\/p>\n Common sense applies, as always. Bring up something in which a person demonstrated interest over the last few weeks or months, and you demonstrate your attentiveness. Bring up a specific photo or comment your connection posted a few\u00a0years<\/i>\u00a0ago, and you may be unwittingly sending a different message. For one, interests change, especially over the course of years. Why go on dated data when you have the new stuff right in front of you? Additionally, people tend to find it unsettling if you look back too far, which defeats the whole purpose of doing it in the first place. Don\u2019t get creepy.<\/span><\/p>\n Here are some more rules from the Victorian era that we would do well to re-apply to today\u2019s social conversations:<\/span><\/p>\n Coach Your Employees<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Do yourself a favor and pass this knowledge on to your customer facing employees as well\u2014in fact, all of your employees. When you hire well, as the following video indicates, you\u2019re not only looking for someone who can do a job\u2014but for someone who \u201cmatches\u201d your company in terms of their outlook and behavior\u2014someone you can train easily who \u201cgets\u201d what your company is all about.<\/span><\/p>\n Posted previously at TedRubin.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n
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